Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Working Mill

In St. Helena. I got some Polenta.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I am going to make a post here so that I can keep this blog alive until I export all my writings here.

Strange, people used to journal in books, on paper bound. I did. Now all my mental crapolitta ends up here on the web.

thanks for taking your time to observe them.

Friday, December 14, 2007

cowabunga kringle...

surfin santa

harbor light festival ~ 2007

Monday, November 19, 2007

Waiting for a Ride

watching the tides

I love the winter waves of Southern California. Surf really picks up this time of year. There is nothing that stirs my soul more than the sound of pounding surf. The best pounding surf I have heard is the beach in Carmel. I haven't been to Hawaii... yet.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Mistake, but not


taken Halloween night.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007



gotta love the camera at the pumpkin patch. booyea...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Blended Orchid

Been doing an online tutorial of Photoshop CS2. I love it. This may have been published before, but it was a perfect candidate for one of the lessons.

amazing what a few steps will do to change a picture. I love the effect.

Monday, October 15, 2007



Tried to capture them from the underwater viewing area. Camera has too much of a delay. dangit.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Mayor of Munchkin City

tubby horns

Monday, September 17, 2007



This isn't a good picture, but the orchid is amazing.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Favorite Feet

favorite feet

some of my favorite people's tootsies!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Butterfly Exhibit


lovely day at the museum.

Friday, August 17, 2007

The Raft


i didn't have my nikon with me. just the point and shoot. fun times.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Beautiful People.

Friend & Son

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Night Lights

night light

glow sticks and a long exposure.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Dancing Duo

shake it!

they were so dang CUTE together... sighs. its hard to see him grow up so fast!

Wednesday, June 6, 2007


feetI need some NEW sandals. :wink:

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Sea Center


We went to the Sea Center while my parents are here. They have magnifying portholes in front of the anemones. cool, huh?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Lil Toot!

lil toot

Come to Santa Barbara and take the ferry shuttle called the Lil'Toot. They also have a Pirate shuttle. heh.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Mini Tree

mini tree
I was passing my parking lot, and I looked down as to not step on these pipes, that are left over from the past. Out of this 1.5" off the ground was a mini tree. Nature is amazing no?

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Wednesday Night


These ducks at Alice Keck Park were talking to each other. The male was barking the entire time at the female. She only barked once. It was really interesting to watch.

This park is 3 blocks from my apartment. I love going there with Austin. And on Wednesdays, there is a group of acoustic players picking bluegrass style music.


There is even an older man who plays the string jug, and hands out balloons to the kids.

getting a balloon

Monday, April 30, 2007

Eat At Joes

Its not a stunning image, just something I wanted to post, because my fathers name is Joe. That is why I took the picture.

Monday, April 23, 2007


Originally uploaded by memsahib 313.
My eye was really bloodshot that morning. Forgot to wash off my mascara. The kid was loving this though.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Fuzzy Art

mural 7

taken at a show next door to my apartment. I can't wait for summer in Santa Barbara.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


these flowers were amazing. i couldn't even tell you the name of them.

Thursday, April 5, 2007


popsicle one

It wasn't that hot, but he wanted Ice Cream. I suggested a Jolly Rancher popsicle. We were at the zoo enjoying the day.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Let's Go to Malibu

the gate

i took this Thanksgiving 2006 in Malibu. enjoy!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Santa B.

Spent Saturday outside, cookout with friends. Such fun. This was my capture of the sun setting on our little family outing.

love you guys! more times like these please. :huggs:


Monday, March 19, 2007


I went to visit my sis in St Helena this weekend to celebrate my birthday. Now all up and down the state, along the freeways, you see and smell mustard flowers. This field was an amazing site. I had to take some pix. Hope you enjoy them.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Wiltern Theater

Originally uploaded by mem_313.
As many of you know, I love Patty G. Took this shot of the sign outside the concert last night.

it was amazing.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Mirror Mirror

I worked so hard at getting me out of the picture, but alas. there she is! :wink:

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Kinetic Energy ~

Lucky shot. This truly captures a body in motion.

Monday, March 5, 2007


Not a great image, but I dreamt about water and sex all night long! woke up with this photo on my mind. enjoy.

Friday, March 2, 2007


Someone is very sleepy in his new jammies.
That is the Bozo punching bag in the back ground. Do you remember those?

Sunday, February 25, 2007

A Tower Image

The Court Tower

He was having a blast playing hide and seek. :wink:

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Infatuated Girl

She kept looking at me and looking at me. I had to take her picture.

a curious girl

Sunday, February 18, 2007

the train

the train at the zoo. we sat in the very last car. I thought this was a wonderful view. I think the kid would have prefered to face forward. Next time.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Thinking of making this my PHoto Blog...

So... stay tuned. My camera is sh*t, but i still am going to take images with it. and since I can't sign onto flikr for a pro account since i dont have a credit card, and my debit card was pirated, this will be the posting sight!

i guess...

more to come...

Thursday, September 7, 2006

UPDATE~ I have moved!

Blogger Beta an bite me on the noodley appendage! I have moved to a blogger site where people can comment. HERE IS MY NEW BLOG:

Not Just Nouns and Verbs...

will keep this around in case of more blogger shenanigans... but for now, i am revamping and pushing forward.

movin movin movin... :whistles:

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

trying VOX

I dont know if it is going to be better. And i will still post entries here from time to time. may be a repeat on both sites.

noodle me this

check me out in my new home... as in my last post here, i am sick of not being able to use blogger. dont plan on leaving here permanently as of yet. but am interested in possibilities.

join in the fun. :wink:


Okay dear readers. Dont be dissmayed. I have been visiting and reading your blogs. But i can't post to them, since i am not allowed to go back to my original blog on blogger. I have been assimilated into the Blogger BETA! EEEEEKKKKKKKKKK.

be warned. there will be an infulx of opinion upon my return. In the meantime i am going to head out and see if i can find a more serendipidous spot to spew the mental diarrhea.

a nice little wedding weekend blog with photos to be produced as soon as i download the pics.


:whistle's while she works:

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Its Labor Day Weekend!

Quoted from the U.S. Dept. of Labor:

The first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

Some records show that Peter J. McGuire, general secretary of the Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners and a cofounder of the American Federation of Labor, was first in suggesting a day to honor those "who from rude nature have delved and carved all the grandeur we behold."

The first state bill was introduced into the New York legislature, but the first to become law was passed by Oregon on February 21, 1887. During the year four more states — Colorado, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and New York — created the Labor Day holiday by legislative enactment. By the end of the decade Connecticut, Nebraska, and Pennsylvania had followed suit. By 1894, 23 other states had adopted the holiday in honor of workers, and on June 28 of that year, Congress passed an act making the first Monday in September of each year a legal holiday in the District of Columbia and the territories.

The vital force of labor added materially to the highest standard of living and the greatest production the world has ever known and has brought us closer to the realization of our traditional ideals of economic and political democracy. It is appropriate, therefore, that the nation pay tribute on Labor Day to the creator of so much of the nation's strength, freedom, and leadership — the American worker.

_______________________________ That's the definition.

All praises to another three day weekend! or can we make it four? Because those family get togethers on Labor Day require one day of rest following. I'm tellin ya. The beauty of this holiday is that everyone can enjoy it! its dedicated to those of us who make other people rich. so... while the fat cats we suck up to are lapping it up at the resort, we are rejoicing in the richness of family and friends. Combined with smoked meats, cold cold beers, and rowdy disagreements over the topics we shouldnt approach, such as politics, religion, and who is sleeping with whom. And best of all? Finding the group you really mesh with, that you can call names and they still love ya! even more sometimes.

So lets raise a glass
to the working classes,

May they always have cold beer,
and rose colored glasses,

May their children be smarter,
and more successful than most

May they have long healthy lives
full of love, thats my toast!

Here's to us good pholkes. We deserve these days off in our lives. Safe travels to all. Come back with pictures and stories.

I am off to the wine country for a wedding. Be well. Make memories.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

What If...

Not much to say this morning so...

I wish i was independantly wealthy, because then i could...

finish the statement. and have fun with it.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Sorry - Post Removed

I had a blog up about a subject that was really irritating me yesterday. But today, I decided that I dont want to perpetuate this feeling anymore. I have to let go and forgive or move on.

The decision is still in the air. I hope that the other person realizes what has been lost. And that it will work its way out somehow. I am not counting on anything anymore. Just taking it one minute at a time. Until this storm has passed.

All i can say is that if i dont get flowers or chocolate, its history! :giggles:

Friday, August 25, 2006

Sleep, i miss you.

Dear Sleep,

Its been years! i mean i remember like it was yesterday that i could enjoy you for 8 hours or more at a time. Now i am lucky if we get to spend 4 hours together at one time. Have you abandoned me for a younger prettier woman? What will it take to get you to come back to me?

I dont like prescription drugs, but if that is what you want, i will try. anything. even excercise doesnt seem to be helping much. i miss you sleep. i hope that the "other woman" is happy with you. but please consider coming home.

much too tired to make sense... memsahib.

Thursday, August 24, 2006


I have to say that the ole brain is starting to loose its shine. i feel tired most of the time. And disconnected from the reality i am forced to deal with. I don't want to work, or design anything.

what is going on!? i am attributing it to a lack of sleep, and sexual activity. Because I am getting plenty of food. YIKES...

Has my self esteem finally taken a permanent vacation? guess I should contact the local experts on that one. I obviously don't have a grip on too much today. or yesterday! I used to be the life of the party. Now I feel like the party is going on and I am sitting in the closet yelling SHUT UP!

EVALUATION TIME! steps back to take stock of her blessings. Time to clear the table and start over. again. :sighs:

whining over. back to the laughter portion of this day. :wink:

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

An Oldie, but a Goodie

This is a poem I wrote last summer about this time, bees have it, birds have it I found while digging around in the archives today.

I love blogging, and have been away from it for a while, trying to raise a bambino. That is a tiring job, being a mom.

anyway. enjoy the words... they are smokin. i was infatuated at the time. seems that he was my muse, as i havent written nearly as much good poetry since. but don't despair. I have it in me. I just need to start working them out again.

happy wednesday to you troops. cyber salute.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I am out.
I need more.
Where do i find Nag Champa in SB?

*goes in search of her scent*

Monday, August 21, 2006

My Hawaiian Name - for fun

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Peni Anani

Sunday, August 20, 2006

A birthday boy

Three years ago, Aug. 16th, contractions started at 12:30 am. I though it was gas. Gas that woke me up every hour on the hour. :wink: So the next morning, i drove myself to the hospital, and at 6:36 on 8-16-03, A.J. had arrived. He was early. And he had to be revived, for reasons not to be discussed here. It was the longest three or four mins of my life. So on Wed - Sat of this week, we celebrated!

On his actual day, we went to the Pizza Parlour, where he had his "grown-up" party. Mommy made grown up party favors. And a birthday cake that Austin picked out from the boxes on the shelves at albertsons. He got great gifts. Some playdoh, to be saved for a rainy day this winter. A "Lightening McQueen" t-shirt, and the best of all... a ukelele.

On Friday night, auntie came to visit bringing more new clothes. She was happy to see her little nephew... and he was happy to get more "dirt-day" presents. :wink:

And on Saturday, He got his tricycle! and man, it is COOL! as you can see, equiped for some serious road traveling. mommy even stepped on the deck and took er for a spin... with him on the seat so he could feel the power of being mobile. and look, it comes with a bell. the coolest feature of course. Nothing like an old fashioned tricycle to remind you of childhood.

so there it is. after a few years of struggle and upheavel we are more settled. And we had a semi traditional birthday. He is still saying "happy dirt-day" cake. Strangely the ritual of singing Happy Birthday and blowing out the candles was his favorite thing. And that is a fact. What a great kid. ready for road... :brrrriing: :brrrrriiing: mommy loves the bicycle bell too.

Austin says thanks to his family and friends for wishing him a wonderful birthday.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Damn Fire Walls

So sad news. I have been fire walled from my favorite website Radio Paradise, but life must go on.

I have to admit that I am shaking a little not being able to talk to my online friends. I know I can reach them in the evenings. But still. Not the same as being able to take a little break at work to peek in on some great laughs and great people.

For those of you that are not familiar with this internet radio station and you appreciate good music, this is the one. Eclectic, diverse, guaranteed to introduce you to new music on a daily basis. Not to mention a damn fine internet community that takes care of its own. NO TROLLS ALLOWED. (they can be spotted a mile off :wink:)

I hope you guys know how much i will miss joking around with you during the day. But see you in the late shift for sure.

And the ultimate bummer? I can't even listen to the station either. Goes to the Roku site to check on getting a SoundBridge Network Music Player.

I am off to find an inexpensive laptop with wireless connection to bring to work, and prove my ulitmate addiction to RP. TTFN.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

One of his Gifts...

Was a ukelele... I was hoping he would get one. Cool to watch him get excited about having his own little guitar, as he calls it. Its not an expensive one, and its totally out of tune, but he loves it! Future wanna be rock-star! Or maybe the next "Dylan-eske". I am hoping for the latter.

Yea. He took it to bed with him last night. Wouldn't let go of it. Pictures to come on the full length birthday blog sometime this weekend. All kinds of surprises in store.

"Won't you tip-toe through the tulips with me."

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


I have been such a slacker the last few months. I will look for any excuse to distract myself from responsibility or real engagment in my life. I am tired. I dont know if it is low grade depression, serious lack of interest, being overweight, or what it could be. I am glad the weather is getting better, maybe that will spark some enthusiasm. who knows. Most days I would just rather be doing absolutely nothing, other than doing anything. has to be depression. sighs.

Any who, the little man's birthday is tomorrow and I at least have his present's ready. With more to come this weekend. Check for the blog about that on Sunday or Monday! :cool:

and thats all fholkes! *off to buy some party favors, and bake a little cake*

Monday, August 7, 2006

A Visitor

Its time. I am nervous. I am anxious. I am excited. And this is meant to happen. :yipppeeee:

I will be out for a week, having fun, and my computer will be in the shop. It has a glitch in the power supply I think. Its under warranty, so now is the time to have the computer looked at, when I won't be using it.

Hugs to all. Good vibes to all. See you when my computer comes back. And me with stories to tell.

vaya con dios amigos.

Friday, August 4, 2006

It is as It is

Oh, to live on Sugar Mountain
With the barkers and the colored balloons,
You can't be twenty on Sugar Mountain
Though you're thinking that
you're leaving there too soon,
You're leaving there too soon.

It's so noisy at the fair
But all your friends are there
And the candy floss you had
And your mother and your dad.

Oh, to live on Sugar Mountain
With the barkers and the colored balloons,
You can't be twenty on Sugar Mountain
Though you're thinking that
you're leaving there too soon,
You're leaving there too soon.

There's a girl just down the aisle,
Oh, to turn and see her smile.
You can hear the words she wrote
As you read the hidden note.

by Mr. Neil Young... :smile:

There are a few more stanzas here, but this says enough. Sometimes things happen to you without your thoughts or control being involved. This is more than a beautiful thing. And when it does, its nice to sit back and appreciate the serendipity of it. I am a woman that draws life to her. I have always had that and can finally understand its impact on life. Life is grand. Now dont get me wrong, i fuck up on a daily basis. In full color. And to be honest!? Its such a relief to finally understand my self inflicted limitations.

After a conversation with an older cousin today (have i mentioned how really cool my family is?), plus a relaxing and engaging conversation with a new and permanent good friend (that is coming to visit me next week) I realized again that life offers us what we desire if we allow its happening. Nothing more, nothing less. Even as we struggle with the conflicts of the illusion we are in control, we know who are our real family is. the people who allow us to be ourselves. and remind us when we are making asses of ourselves.

i do believe in god. but the definition of that entity eludes me. the only thing i do know is that i have been gifted with visions i could never create myself. creatures and colors that continue to amaze. gifts from unexpected places. and learning in my lifetime that if i open myself up to the possibilities, I am the one that realizes and benefits. and that is a ripple in a pretty big pond.

sighs. why do i write these seemingly self indulgent entries? i hope that someday someone will understand all this about themselves. we have choices people. make sure that the number one choice is YOUR OWN LIFE.

like they say on the plane, place your oxygen mask on first before helping your offspring... can i get an amen from the bobbleheads? :lol:

Monday, July 31, 2006

Cha Cha Cha Cha Changes...

Okay Piss and Moan.

I changed the template, cuz i had some complainers. Now i lost all my links to blogs... D*mn computers.

It will be a few days before i can redo that list. but will give me a chance to put in some new ones as well.

please stay tuned...

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Yawns. Siesta time...

In the summertime, at around 3pm, no matter what I have eaten, not eaten, and no matter how much sleep I have had, i get tired!!! I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open right now. and coffee will not do the trick... tried that. dagum...

sighs. oh well. lays her head on her desk.... drools.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Listen to your heart

How hard is it? Its not. Its easy. You either care about someone or you don't. Its not about manners, its not about possesion, it's not about control. It's about giving. Today, I realized that I am a giver. Or should it be said, I rediscovered that point. I am sick of dry well relationships. Dont get me wrong, I have people in my life that continue to give, and that is beautiful. And I apologize to those I truly owe gratitude too and have not given it. If I have not reciprocated my appreciation to you, I will try to correct that swiftly.

Too many years have passed into history with my disdain and apathy. Let me follow a more true path to enlightening myself of the worth of gratitude. I have seen how the lack of it has affected my soul and I am sad.

I can change this and I will. Thanks for the support friends. As you have always supported me. with love. the greatest gift to man.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Five Things

Thanks to michelle, I have a meme. And away we go..

In my fridge:
String cheese and yogurt for the toddler
Sweet Pickles, Sugar Free Bread and Butter to be exact
Frozen French Fries, also for the toddler
Hard Boiled Eggs, for green salads and egg salad
Brita Pitcher of cold water, the one thing i will never do without

In my closet:
Guitar - borrowed
Chinese Party Lanterns still in the box
Clothes some that fit some that dont
A broken epson printer

In my wallet (or purse for women):
Diapers and Wipes
Pad of paper and a PURPLE pen - you never know.
Contact Lens supplies
Cell Phone

In my car/truck:
Ball and Bat- foam covered.
Kite - still in the package
PostIt notes - I cant remember much anymore. have to post it.
Car Seat

Five people I am tagging:
Anyone who feels that they would like to have a five things list.
I am not sure who hasnt been tagged.
cyber bro


I have rediscovered my need for faith. In myself and in someone else. I have gotten closer to a center and I would like to stay there. The unknown is not scary. Its the thoughts we fill it with that can terrorize.

The times it gets difficult is when I am home alone, late at night. No one there but the child. No adult to talk to, be with, breath with. I dont think its something I want all the time, but once in a while, I miss the physical contact of the breath and lips upon my body. As for now, I have to accept things as they are and be patient. And keep the fires of faith burning that the universe has heard my request. And is in the process of delivering. Hopefully not ten minutes before I croak. LOL

I have someone online that I connect with. It offers me great comfort and peace to be with this person. When he is gone I feel even more alone. Online relationships are a great test of faith. Somedays, I am seriously lacking anything to hold onto, and I fall apart. Lose my faith in his words. Its human nature to have moments of weakness and doubt. No one should be punished or judged for it. I just wish I could learn to keep my thoughts in my own realm, journaling or blogging. But sometimes that is not the case. Saying what you feel outloud is cathartic, and sometimes the only way to see what a crock of manifested insecure crap your mind is telling you! And sometimes its the direct voice of the truth. A beacon to shine on what you are hiding from yourself. Like i said I am not perfect. Nor would i ever want to be. What a BORE! And I truly thought he would accept me as I am. He was the first person that allowed me the hope of not having to be perfect and be loved for who I am. But we will see. Day to day. Faith.

And as the new day starts, I have to climb back into my boat and head out to sea. Seeking signs and wisdoms that will keep me on this path to finding true happiness. Because that is what everyone deserves. And something I believe in. Happiness.

And a big sack of money every once in a while wouldnt hurt either! you know, gotta have the essentials. like plane tickets, baseball games, kids toys, hair color, and really top quality toilet paper! :lol:

i'm tellin ya... :wink:

Sunday, July 9, 2006

Am I

Living my life, or is my life living me? Tonight I am pondering if I am actually involved in this progress. Seems, even though I made that prestigas post about goals, I let life live through me. And to be honest, i do so appreciate seeing life unfold as opposed to dictating it. But... (a line i used to give my friends starting in college, when people would say chicken butt, i would say big butt, elephant butt.) does it serve me to allow life to take its course? here is the outline my head tells me.

I get to be spontanious. good in an adventurous way.
I get to see things as they truly manifest. and wow, isnt that the best? sighs. oh yea.
I get true experience! some call it fly by the seat of your pants. :rolls her eyes: so?
I get the things I know the universe has meant for me to have. and not the other way around.
I get to feel the earth move under my feet, :whistles:

but in the process, i get behind on the things that NEED to be addressed. Some call me naive, my mom for one. Some call me irresponsible, those that dont know me. Some say, how can you live without a safety net? i call them the partisans of the church of the impending doom. I dont know. What i am is a woman who grew up under "the beacon of shame" and lived to tell a fantastic story.

what have i learned? everything and nothing all rolled into one.
what do i appreciate? everything and nothing all rolled into one.
what do i love? everything and nothing all rolled into one.
what do i sing? the song of the hummingbird.

sighs. changes are happening requiring planning. lets pray this tiny bird with a big heart is up to the challange. even in the face of a MONDAY!!!! YIKES!

be well, travelers. you make this journey worth every second. a world without you just wouldnt be the same. oh no. and i mean that in the best possible way.

heartkiss and hugs. lets get this caravan moving to the stars. :wink:

Friday, July 7, 2006


Someone asked me the other day if i had goals? Did I have a dream in mind for my future?
You know I dont have much of a clue to that. I have never been one to have goals. But now that I have a child, planning seems to be natural. It sure messes up the natural flow of stuff though. Pouts.

So I guess, besides my necessary goal of being a good parent, I should set some sign posts to where I would like US to be in the coming years. Life is getting shorter. And if I dont want to miss out on things, I must learn to take the pictures out of the filing cabinet, and put them on my desktop. Since that is what I stare at most of the time... :winks:

Goal number one: Learn when people are taking advantage of you. and Dont let it happen.
Goal number two: Become familiar with my passion, and create a life surrounding that drive.
Goal number three: Teach a little man to RESPECT women. And himself.
Goal number four: Get a place with a yard. so that the little man can run around outside.
Goal number five: Let there be love. For me and for the sprout.
Goal number six: Rinse and repeat. :lol:

Thursday, July 6, 2006

Say It!

Sometimes saying what you think is not always the best decision. But sometimes if you don't, it's even worse. Especially when you have a pretty good idea others are thinking the same thing. And its hard for us to not judge people, for we all have our own ideas about how our own world works. I strive everyday to keep my mind from saying all those mean hateful little things it likes to spit out about others and myself, in judgement.

So, when that little pot of misguided statements and thoughts gets full, some of them come spilling out. Its only natural. take deep cleansing breaths. realize whatever worth it has, whatever wrong it has manifested and move on. Peace.

Saturday, July 1, 2006

who fixed it?

that would be me! yea i am cool...

but it was pretty easy. :lol:

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Computer Crashed

And writing from work. :shhhhh:

I hope to be back up running soon. I dont think many of you will miss me. but heres hoping.

be well. keep it wise. and have as much sex as possible. oh wait. did i say that out loud?

ha ha... :wink: :wink: :wink:

Monday, June 26, 2006


You know, there are just somedays when i wish i could lock the office door so i could sit and work in my pajamas... without anyone bugging me! and i could work from home, but i find that I am much more productive in an office setting. Much more. snickers...

and baby? i will leave the light on for ya! :huggels:

Thursday, June 22, 2006

If i could paint you a Picture

I wish upon a star tonight
bring me the dream
a note of wisdom
a vision of you.

bring me your honesty
and your smiles again
why is that so hard
for you to do that?

deserving a truth to lies
i wander this battlefield
we blame each other
but we did it together

have i become a set back?
a burden on your life?
if that is the case,
you need to let me go.

never take for granted
what you are freely given
you become a fool
by the choice to ignore

one deep breath
leads to another.
give me wisdom time
knowing i am worthy

and choose the path
that offers me a way
to be myself and cry
and laugh and live

in the glow of love
in the warmth of embrace
in the sighs of after
pleasant satisfacting peace.

Friday, June 16, 2006

I always forget stuff...

Its the Friday before Father's Day. and of course i forgot to send something to my dad. SH*T. What do you get Fathers? sighs. well, i have some ideas, but nothing i can pull off before Sunday. I hope he understands when i send him a card that says, please wait for a package! if he doesnt, he is going to have to drive from Texas to make me feel guilty about it!

Look for tear jerking fathers day entry on Sunday. Just not up to it this morning. If i dont see ya? get out there and make someone smile. that someone being you! :hug:

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

More than TWO!!!!

As promised the W-Wednesday. Which words does this Wednesday warrant? Well, some wish for wonderful things and some want realism. So I decided to start with a definition of W = double u... :wink:

Columbia Encyclopedia:
W, 23d letter of the alphabet, in form a doubled u or v. It is the usual symbol of a voiced bilabial semivowel, as in the English wing. The same semivowel occurs as second member of the dipthongs au (as in house), ō, and oo͞. In twice the w represents a voiceless semivowel, which is heard also in some dialects that distinguish between where and wear.

"Double U" is the only English letter name with more than one syllable. This gives the nine-syllable initialism www the irony of being an abbreviation that takes more syllables to say than the unabbreviated form. A few speakers therefore shorten the name "double u" into "dub" only, although this is rather rare and nonstandard; for example, University of Washington is known colloquially as "U Dub". In the Texas dialect of American English, the name is often condensed to two syllables rather than three, resulting in George W. Bush's nickname of "Dubya".

Various Definitions from Wikipedia:
• In radiocommunication, W is one of the ITU prefixes allocated to the United States. W is generally used as the first letter of call signs allocated to broadcast television or radio stations east of the Mississippi river.
• In astronomy, W stands for a November 16 through 30 discovery, in the provisional designation of a comet (e.g. C/1984 W2, Comet Hartley) or asteroid (e.g. (4035) 1986 WD).
• In biochemistry, W is the symbol for tryptophan.
• In computing, ^W is often used jokingly to indicate the intended deletion of the previous word. This is because in some programs (e.g., many Unix shells) the keystroke control-W is used to delete the previous word.
- w is a command on Unix systems that displays information on users who are currently logged in. It is the only one-letter Unix command.
- W is the name of a graphical windowing system for Unix platforms.
• In film, W is the name of a 1973 American film; see W (film)

And for a sentence:
George "Dubya" Bush should be lynched/swing for just being an idiot, in addition to mis-leading the country into war and further ignoring the real issues that face America. Tarred and feathered I say. You could have learned that when he was gubner.

"I am a man of constant sorrow... i seen trouble all my days... " whistles while she works at being well adjusted in the dubya administration. :wink:

Off the Floor

Well, I am waiting on a bed. My co-worker says that he has a bed that he is getting rid of, and he is going to let me take it! Now, true confessions, I/we have been sleeping on the floor since December 2005. Not that I dont enjoy that HA!!!! What a lie that would be. I have come to fantasize about my bed that is in Texas. sighs. daydreams... zzzzzzzzzzzz okay back. Fingers crossed, tomorrow I am going to get a double bed with an actual frame, no headboard or footboard, hate those things. Its a gift from the universe! nah actually my coworker who wants it out of his garage! :yipee for me:

This place is going to shape up. Once it has, I will snap a photo so you can see what it looks like to live in a tiny place for a lot of money in SB california! Just so you know, there is always room on the floor for my friends. giggles.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Sorry... Slacked.

Today I apologize for not making the W post on Wednesday. Will make up for it by doing a two word Wednesday this week. Been feeling a bit low, depressed and sick, so that explains my abscence. But back at work, and trying to make the best of it.

happy monday to all. hope you are smiling. see you Wednesday. wink wink... from slacker mem.

Sunday, June 4, 2006

Rowing always rowing

As I row, row, row
Going so slow, slow, slow
Just down below me is the old sea
Just down below me is the old sea
Nobody knows, knows, knows
So many things, things, so
So out of range
Sometimes so strange
Sometimes so sweet
Sometimes so lonely

The further I go
More letters from home never arrive
And I'm alone
All of the way
All of the way
Alone and alive

You just have to go, go, go
Where I don't know, know, know
This is the thing
Somebody told me
A long time ago

The further I go
More letters from home never arrive
And I'm alone
All of the way
All of the way
Alone and alive

Rowing Song - Patty Griffin

As i traveled across country, i had a compilation CD by this amazing songstress. Funny this is the song he remembers from this CD. One day I heard him say, Row Row Row.... (he had never heard row row row your boat.) I wondered what he was talking about.... then i realized. He was singing this song. What a sharp mind my son possess. And how is it I didnt realize he would all along? I dont know how life chooses our paths. Including my decision to be a mother. You can allude to yourselves that the lives you have you have choosen. You do choose between the paths available. but do you really choose the opportunities? I have a friend that would tell me that we manifest our destinies. She is only partially right. Manifestation includes some of our choices. But do we really have that ultimate derision? Isnt that a bit egotistical? And ignorant to the other truths we hold self evident?

There are so many things we take for granted. Including ourselves. For so many years i have thought i knew the truths about life and this planet. But what I have realized is that mostly i am a surfer taking the best waves. Riding them as long as i can. And realizing when the time is right to choose the next ride. I have always taken the road less traveled. It has worn on my soul. So much i feel like a hermit most days. My poor kid. But like P.G. says, as i row row row... going so slow slow slow... I keep the pace of the distance I am able to cross. I want to believe in the accomplishments I have achieved. But everyday I have doubts. Everyday the boat fills with water and i bail it out. And still accomplish the other things i have to do. Am I tired you ask? DAMN STRAIGHT! More than i ever have been in my life. AM I QUITTING? that is a stand up routine waiting to happen!!!!!! LOL. Hell no i am not quitting. I have spent my life with my claws in the air, grasping at the unusual but correct path i have chosen for my life.

I want to thank the souls that have helped me on my journey. Your voices and generosity sing to my persistance. And allow me to follow the road less traveled. Even if it is vicariously, visions and support are everything. And universe? allow my little offspring to have the father figure he so well deserves. He is a generous spirit and a kind soul at center. Give me the wisdom to keep opening doors for him, until he can open them for himself. He deserves a life of peace and wonder. Despite his mommas doubt of the truths that love allows.

As i row, row, row, going so slow, slow, slow,.... I continue to do that. With or without a paddle! :giggles:

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

W Words Wednesday

Time for your W word...

whine v. whined, whin·ing, whines
v. intr.
To utter a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain, fear, supplication, or complaint.
To complain or protest in a childish fashion.
To produce a sustained noise of relatively high pitch: jet engines whining.

v. tr.
To utter with a whine.

The act of whining.
A whining sound.
A complaint uttered in a plaintive tone.

The man whined when he found out she was sick. And she whined because she knew she was missing out on some good pay.

Now I went into work today despite that i am not feeling 100%. As in previous log, i am grateful to be working! (another W word... BONUS) So my coworker says if you are sick you need to go home. I can't get sick. If you are staying I am leaving. Basically kicking me out of the office. Now i am a temporary employee, and dont get paid if i dont work. So I was kind of miffed about this. But I left. Came home and decided there maybe something I could do around the house. And he called me up and apologized for being such an ass about it. I am going to like working with this person! And i think i am going to learn alot from him. As long as there isnt too much drama. Oh did i mention? They hired me full time permanently! Not sure of my first date as a full time employee, but its in the works. :wink:

She refused to whine about that! :clap:

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

T-day Job Ramblins...

Yes it feels like a Monday. I am working. and that is a GOOD thing. people when you start to bitch about your jobs remember what it would be like to have no job for 5 months. How would you survive? do you have enough in reserve? where would you go if you couldnt pay your rent/mortgage? Be thankful. If it sucks that bad, don't do what i did and sabatoge yourself. Find another job, one that you enjoy more...

anyway, not much to see here...

I'm gonna break
I'm gonna break my
I'm gonna break my rusty cage
and run!!!!!

J.Cash :king:

Monday, May 29, 2006

A Cold

In the summertime SUCKS! Hard to have a fever etc. when its hot outside. And you have a kid. And its a holiday weekend. And... you get extremely snippy... and you start to see flashes in front of your eyes. And you don't have anyone to take care of you or your kid...

okay i gotta lay down. i am whiny, tired, and my lungs feel like they are on fire. I hate having colds.... whine.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

R. W. Emerson

Where do we find ourselves? In a series of which we do not know the extremes and believe that it has none. We wake and find ourselves on a stair; there are stairs below us, which we seem to have ascended; there are stairs above us, many a one, which go upward out of sight... Ghostlike, we glide through nature, and should not know our place again.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

the theme of burning man this year... Hope and Fear. The surreal event I wish I had the stamina to attend. sighs. someday.

this spurned an Emerson quote run ... Here area few for your enlightenment. Enjoy.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ i always strive for this one.~

Wisdom has its root in goodness, not goodness its root in wisdom.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ well DUH! ~

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ Keep watching. except in Cali, you see the stars in the daytime too. Blech. Giggles ~

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ For my stoner friends. giggles even louder. ~

Washington, where an insignificant individual may trespass on a nation's time.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ Little GW Bush can kiss my GRITS!!!!! ~

Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ Only a man can say that without bustin a gut laughing! what a crock... - one man is turning this around for me... very slowly. ~

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be great is to be misunderstood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ These two go hand in hand. as in my last entry, beauty is gift. treasure the gifts. not the materials that make the gifts. ~

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ with that i will close. thank you for giving me your time and attention. there are so many more to post. but remember this. ~

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

~ Peace my fellow earthly denizens. Rest your minds and breath life in. :namaste: ~

Friday, May 26, 2006

Mona Lisas and Madhatters....

And now I know
Spanish Harlem are not just pretty words to say
I thought I knew
But now I know that rose trees never grow in New York City

Until you've seen this trash can dream come true
You stand at the edge while people run you through
And I thank the Lord there's people out there like you
I thank the Lord there's people out there like you

While Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters
Sons of bankers, sons of lawyers
Turn around and say good morning to the night
For unless they see the sky
But they can't and that is why
They know not if it's dark outside or light

This Broadway's got
It's got a lot of songs to sing
If I knew the tunes I might join in
I'll go my way alone
Grow my own, my own seeds shall be sown in New York City

Subway's no way for a good man to go down
Rich man can ride and the hobo he can drown
And I thank the Lord for the people I have found
I thank the Lord for the people I have found

Elton John

I dont know why but this song changed my life. Everytime i hear it. There is no specific truth in relevance to my life. But its combination in spirit, lyric and instrumental voice reminds me that there is nothing more sacred to me than music. Well, besides my son... but you understand your choice of music's relevance in your own lives. You dont need me to remind you of that. It is a song that has been center stage to alot of life changing situations for me. It reminds me of the unique travel we all make to ourselves and how every person we encounter makes a ripple in the pond of our experience. Thankfully i have been blessed with some awesome souls in my life.

I desire every one of you learn your desires presently. And know when you see beauty, that beauty arrived JUST for you at that moment. You have no choice in it. It is a GIFT to you. Dont let it slip through your hands. You never know when that could disappear. Be aware and happy because of it! i command it! AS IF I had any power whatsoever!!!!!!

No matter what you think, i desire it everyday for you all (even if i dont know you). Its what makes me who I am and how great is that for me? Know this now, it will never change. You will always have me on your side. The universe has ordained it. So let it be. Individuality is not easily won, but if I have to fight for it I will. Please do that for yourselves. Dont be detoured by illusion people. Inside each and everyone of you is a valid, intuitive, creative being. Let that be your mantra to yourselves and if you have them, your offspring. It is the future. Let it be US! Please let it be us. There is nothing BUT us.

"i thank the lord for the people i have found" thanks elton for being yourself. you have changed my way of thinking. in this lifetime.:hug:

Friday, May 19, 2006

W/Wednesdays - Wheat Thins R My Nemesis

Wheat Thins are a popular snack cracker distributed by Nabisco, a subsidiary of Kraft Foods Global Inc.. The product's slogan 'Great Taste...Big Crunch' was developed by Brian Eaton and is a reference to the rich flavor and seasoning on each cracker. Wheat Thins come in many variations. Wheat thins also are Baked Snacked Crackers.

they sit on my shelf calling to me in the middle of the night, MEM... we are here. we are a baked cracker. don't worry about your diet. a few of us wont hurt... And then the cream cheese joins in... we want to be with the wheat thins... please spread us on your wheat thins... The torture is you can't eat just a few.

Damn them. Damn them all to HELL!

say goodbye to a few extra WW points until that box is off your shelf. :wink:


I went back for a second interview with a British company that opened an office in SB two years ago. They do transportation system maps. Not terribly dynamic, design wise, but terribly interesting if you like maps at all... Lo and Behold, i do. I am a GEEK!

The most interesting thing to me was the fact that I felt at ease with this man (the head designer/cartography manager) all over again. Its one of those situations where you know that it would be a perfect fit jobwize if the money worked out. In addition, I met with his boss, the money man today, for a few minutes where he tried to put me off my mark, but i held fast. Thanks to some job training provided by the state my interview skills were on tap. At the end of the all this, the head designer walked me out to the lobby/hall beyond the offices and gave me a glowing account of his desire to hire me. That he was impressed with my resume, and my demeanour. And that he wants me to become a part of this company and is going to keep trying to find a way for me to fit in there!

YIPEEE for me! I offered to do freelance and work one day a week in the offices there because that would put me in an adventagous position if the right situation came about. Not to mention my pocketbook would love the extra money for saving to take a trip somewhere... :wink: :wink: SWYHRT.

Ah... things here are going well. As we suspected. Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream. :whistle:

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Wednesdays: Words that start with a W...

I finally decided on my regular Wednesday posts! Words that start with a W and anecdotal smatterings that will allow me to use them in a sentence. Aren't you excited? I knew that you would be. :wink:

n 1: the facial expression of sudden pain 2: a reflex response to sudden pain [syn: flinch] v 1: draw back, as with fear or pain; "she flinched when they showed the slaughtering of the calf" [syn: flinch, squinch, funk, cringe, shrink, recoil, quail] 2: make a face indicating disgust or dislike; "She winced when she heard his pompous speech"

Yea. She winced as she sat down in her office chair wearing blue jeans. DOH!

Okay the brain is not always engaged. Or maybe I should say that I am HIGHLY optomistic. I had minor surgery, as you may have read a few days ago, and part of this procedure left some stitches in my navel. best place for them I guess. I mean the navel is already a deep dark trench for me... whats a few bumps in there? good hiding place I say. BUT! whew. The waistband of my jeans hits me right in the center of my navel. Here's the dilemma... do I unbutton my pants in front of my male coworker? and ease my pain? Or can I play the martyr card ONE MORE TIME!? blech.

Puts a Post it Note on her closet door... Remember to have a FLEXIBLE waistband on clothing for one week... NO ARGUMENTS! Just do it! Sheesh. you think I would have figured all this out by the age of 45.... :LOL:

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Long Time Gone

Man, seems like i have let this space go to the sidelines. Life has been picking up lately, and having a hard time keeping up!

Just to recap what i have been up to:
Working! praise the baby jesus. I am finally working full time. sighs. relaxes into her office chair.
Mommy: yea. full time. being two parents. and doing a half ass job it seems to me. but keeping on with the best i can offer the youngster. He did get some new Thomas the Tank Engine tennies the other day. We are excited.
Minor Surgery: Elective. went into it knowingly. It was time to take care of something that will make my life much easier in one aspect. but recovering is a bitch!
Laundry: I hate the laundromat. But.. you if you read my blog, you already know that fact.
Weather: Getting used to a new climate. Seems that there is something called the June gloom here, that started in may this year. I think the thing I miss most is the stars at night. Being from Texas... well, you know the song.
Nightmares: yea you also know if you read my blog that dreams are important to me. and i have been having nightmares. So has my son. sleep deprivated...
Belongings: Not a big fan of materialistic stuff. But missing things like my dresser, and toy box. Oh and my movies. and my TV... and my big comfy bed. but with gas prices as they are.... YIKES! maybe fall before i can retrieve anything.
Computer: well i have been chatting late into the night with my man. and that is a tough deal. too far away. sighs. need a ticket to ride... :sits back and daydreams:
Entrepenaur: Be on the lookout for a new plan next fall. I have an exciting idea that will make for some great Blog material. Coming soon to a virtual diary near you.

Life is good. i am loved. and things are getting better everyday! come and visit us! There is plenty of room on the floor to crash. :wink:

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


There ain't no sunshine when shes gone..

Sadly the June gloom of Santa Barbara is upon us now. the sun peaks in for maybe an hour a day, then *poof* marine layer. I am used to extreme sun, Texas sun. Beating down almost everyday from May to September. I dont mind the change so much, but its a bit cooler here, and find myself indoors until my blood gets acclimated to this California weather. Hey, anything beats the lizard type conditions of the swampland known as Houston.

patiently awaits the return of the sunshine in the middle of the day. and the funds to buy a plane ticket. ILYSYH. :kiss:

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

when she believes

The good lord is such a good lord
With such a good mother too
They have blessed me
In the good graces of you
I have heard a hundred violins crying
And I have seen a hundred white doves flying
But nothing is as beautiful
As when she believes in me

How good it must feel
To be so young and free
And a song that pleases a queen
Will always please me
I have heard the wisest of wisdom
And I have dined in palaces and kingdoms

But nothing is as beautiful
As when she believes in me

Now, all of life
Is just passing the time
Until once again
Your eyes look into mine
I have been adored by a stranger
And I have heard the whispering angel

But nothing is as beautiful
As when she believes in me

When She Believes - Ben Harper

I always have had faith in the words of the men i have loved. It makes the days go into the night so peacefully. And it allows your breath to leave your body with one graceful note. Dreaming of the moments you bestow your truths on the person you have allowed into your heart. As a result i have been hurt. Damaged. Abadoned. Lied to. Physically abused. And have to admit sometimes i am my own worst enemy.

Yes i believe. I heard you talking to me, whispering to me about the things we would share. Times that I dream of now. As you slowly slip back into yourself, i feel like I am not going to be able to with stand this challange. This is my time as well lover. If you have doubts you must share those as well as your happiness. How else can two people get in tune of the times they are meant to share? sighs.

this may all be in vain, but lets step out there and strike while the time is right. stop treating me like a stranger and treat me like a friend. a lover. and the way you did when we first met. be well. be safe. be mine. i believe in you. KISS.

Its Wednesday

And i am thinking. *sound the alarm, take cover* Why dont i have a regular theme post on Wednesdays? What could be the topic? What would you like to see?

give me some feed back people. Make it interesting. I want a theme. something creative. Something you will want to come and check me out on Wednesdays just to see if i have upped the ante...

thanks in advance for your creative minds and input. :wink:

:whistles while she waits:

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Without You Tonight

I learned something about myself all over again. I am vibrant, alive and wise. Dont you love it when that happens? I wish for today and all days that you, my cyber friends, find yourselves in the sunshine you know you can and will be. All these words we spit into the airwaves make a ripple in the pond. Know that you make a difference everytime you tell the truth to a friend. Especially if that friend is yourself. Change this crazy ass self absorbed world with your own wisdom.

No one can say it like you do. And yet we all seem to be saying the same thing right? Love, acceptance, difference, wisdom, communication and compassion. How in tune are we as souls? Like attracts like. One of the dreams I had today reminded me I am never ever alone. I am just deluding myself to the martyrism that i have been conditioned to. Let life BREATHE life into all you encounter. With a gospel song in your heart, five part harmony and some kick ass soulfood in your belly.

My wish for today? Let New Orleans rise from her watery grave. And that someday I will be able to see Jazzfest live again. Raises her glass, and orders a pulled pork poorboy. Nothing like some soulfood to remind you of how simple a good meal and some great music can revamp any attitude.

And baby? Meet me in the gospel tent! I will be onstage belting my large voice for everyone to hear of my love for life and you. You are a rock in my world. Can I get an amen!? :wink:

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Congratulations to ME!

Cheers. This drink is on me. I got a JOB!!!!!!

In fact after four months of wondering what was going to happen, if i would ever get a job, I got three job offers in two days! :JUMP: Its so affirming to know that patience and faith really do pay off in the long run. Of the three offers, I decided to take a job in which my schedule would be Mon-Thurs. Oh My! Three day weekends? And in Santa Barbara!? AWESOME

Thanks for listening to me freak out and whine all these months. And the wonderful words of encouragement.

more blogging to commence since i will be at a desk job, and that seems to inspire my blogs. :whispers: dont tell.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Jobs Jobs Jobs

I am still on the job search. things really picked up on Monday, today continuing. I hope that this streak of not getting work will come to an end this week. please dear readers send positive affirmations to help my weary soul. i am feeling the pinch of self doubt again concerning survival of this doldrum. I know that things will turn around. i have faith. but tonight, i am alone again, and feeling the winds of doubt.

thanks for being my silent support. and my cyber companions. may all your dreams come true. and all your financial burdens alleviated. namaste.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Two days ago in a beautiful park in Santa Barabara, i saw a hummingbird. Those fascinating little creatures are a site to see in nature. Funny thing, this sweet little bird was stalking me... staring at me. Would fly a wee bit away, and then come right back up to eye level about 8 feet from me. It was amazing. He/She kept doing this for about 7 minutes.

I wonder what it was trying to tell me? does anyone know? goes to google hummingbird as a sign... :wink:

edit: upon research i found this:

Hummingbird: Symbolizes devotion, permanence and eternity. This is a strong symbol in disguise because although the hummingbird is small in stature, it is extremely determined in it's own territory.

Hummingbird - Messenger, stopper of time, optimism, sweetness. Being able to roll with the punches is an attribute of Hummingbird.

HUMMINGBIRD Agility. Love. Beauty. Among the more northern nations, the Hummingbird is seen as a messenger. If he appears during a time of great sorrow or pain, healing will soon follow. He also symbolizes the fragility of nature and all living things.

Hummingbirds in Native American Tradition
Whether this qualifies as "natural history" may depend upon your own beliefs, but Peter Guanikeyu Torres, President and Council Chief of the Taino Indigenous Nation of the Caribbean and Florida, said:

The Taino Native American people were the first people to meet Columbus in 1492. The Hummingbird is the symbol of the spreader of life on the Earth. It also symbolizes the rebirth of the Taino Indian Nation of the Caribbean and Florida. We also call our Warriors, Colibri Warriors (Hummingbird Warriors), as the Hummingbird is very peaceful but, it protects it own homeland with the heart of a Eagle. Our history tells us the small Hummingbirds were at one time small flies that Agueybaba the Sun Father transformed one day into little birds.

Sunday, April 9, 2006

I am not your Cinderella.

Cinderella can't you see
Don't want your company
You better leave this mornin' leave today
Take your love and your child away

Rockin' chair on the front porch
I'm thinkin' about all the things that I did
As a young man
Now that I'm old

I remember her and the boy
Did he have all the toys and the joys
That a young man should have
Before he gets too old

Cinderella couldn't you see
Didn't want your company
Shoulda left that mornin' left that day
Took your love and your child away

Remember that old Firefall song? Someone sent it to me the other day. And I listened to the lyrics. Yea some of it applies to my situation. And the man responsible is not involved. Choices. we all make them. I made one that is going to be with me the rest of my life, if i am lucky. Even though I sometimes want to wring his little neckbones, I give him what i can. When i can. that is the best any parent can do. Cuz no matter how many books you read, its still a unique situation to each parent.

And the little stinkers know how to push your buttons. Now if i could find the off switch. So i could have a few minutes peace! Keep them laughing, and it seems to be a better road. :hug: to all the single parents out there. may the world shower you with peacefull moments. And to the married parents. Hug your partner right now. be thankful you have each other to count on. :wink:

Friday, April 7, 2006

Half Moon

I wrote this poem while the moon was full last month. and since it is only half full, i was thinking of you. and the moon. and the light it would be shining on your body tonight. sighs. and sighs again.

Bright Moon

the moon is shining full tonight
its warming nightime glow
its touching him with its light
as its touching me and i know

his eyes whisper to me
of thier promise on the wind
my baby has his arms wrapped tight
around me while we blend

your breath is quiet and mind still
as i reach to your heart tonight
wondering if its rhythm ever will
beat against mine in mornings light

i wander the earth with ancient feet
walking ever closer to my dream
making your eyes smile with me
listening to your silent scream

take me with you as you wander
to find your path of peace
my heart cries out to your passions
a longing for your hands to release.

a song i hold inside my heart
that sings both day and night
to a person who has become a part
distanced souls with words incite

a moon, a circle, undeniable light
work your magic with my love
his eyes are lights i follow close
taking us to the skies above.

The Tree Blossoms

When I first started talking to you the tree was covered in nothing but blooms. When things went bad, all the blooms but two fell off and the tree was bare. As we started talking again, the tree slowly grew leaves with the two blooms on top still in flower. I feel like that describes our relationship. As the days grow longer the tree sprouts out more and more leaves. The tree is filling out with more growth everyday. I look at it and remind myself that sometimes rain falls. And it only makes the tree more beautiful in the coming days. Growing slowly towards the sky with the two blooms still unfolding everyday. And as they die off, the tree will continue to grow. And become a new vision all together.

A friend once said to me love is like a garden. You have to be patient and watch it grow. Feed and tend to it, but you can't force its growth. More and more i understand in my soul what she meant by that. And i feel honored to know you. Hope that you are honored to know me. LIfe moves on. Let us move on with it. Together.