Faith

I have rediscovered my need for faith. In myself and in someone else. I have gotten closer to a center and I would like to stay there. The unknown is not scary. Its the thoughts we fill it with that can terrorize.

The times it gets difficult is when I am home alone, late at night. No one there but the child. No adult to talk to, be with, breath with. I dont think its something I want all the time, but once in a while, I miss the physical contact of the breath and lips upon my body. As for now, I have to accept things as they are and be patient. And keep the fires of faith burning that the universe has heard my request. And is in the process of delivering. Hopefully not ten minutes before I croak. LOL

I have someone online that I connect with. It offers me great comfort and peace to be with this person. When he is gone I feel even more alone. Online relationships are a great test of faith. Somedays, I am seriously lacking anything to hold onto, and I fall apart. Lose my faith in his words. Its human nature to have moments of weakness and doubt. No one should be punished or judged for it. I just wish I could learn to keep my thoughts in my own realm, journaling or blogging. But sometimes that is not the case. Saying what you feel outloud is cathartic, and sometimes the only way to see what a crock of manifested insecure crap your mind is telling you! And sometimes its the direct voice of the truth. A beacon to shine on what you are hiding from yourself. Like i said I am not perfect. Nor would i ever want to be. What a BORE! And I truly thought he would accept me as I am. He was the first person that allowed me the hope of not having to be perfect and be loved for who I am. But we will see. Day to day. Faith.

And as the new day starts, I have to climb back into my boat and head out to sea. Seeking signs and wisdoms that will keep me on this path to finding true happiness. Because that is what everyone deserves. And something I believe in. Happiness.

And a big sack of money every once in a while wouldnt hurt either! you know, gotta have the essentials. like plane tickets, baseball games, kids toys, hair color, and really top quality toilet paper! :lol:

i'm tellin ya... :wink:

Comments

CindyDianne said…
Wow. I know what you are saying about online relationships. I was in a long term long distance relationship once. It 'bout drove me crazy. My little mind went all kinds of crazy places. It truly was a difficult experience.

At that time in my life I had lost my Faith, that is where you have a leg up on me.

But, though we didn't end up together is was a wonderful time in my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Michelle said…
I hope that he turns out to be all that you hope and dream he is and then even more than that.

We all need our dreams to come true now and then otherwise what is the point in dreaming at all?

Keep the faith!

*hug*

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